Monday, 6 June 2016

The rough ride

Up, down. Up, and down the hill on my bike. We finally made it up. The lady said, “On the next track, the path splits. So we will go left, ok?”  

One by one we went.  I said to myself, “It's, so pretty. Then I looked down and I saw a stump. My bike wheel hit it and I went flying into a bush.  With prickles! Ahhhh! I saw my bike coming at me, but before I could move, it hit me, ouch! It felt like falling into a pile of needles and then being uppercut by Mike Tyson  probably not, but that's what it felt like to me. 

I got back up on my bike and kept on going.  I thought to myself  “Am I going the right way?” because I saw no one. So I kept going on the track, but I still couldn’t see anyone. I stopped and called out. Rocky replied so then I knew I was safe. There they were waiting for me.  

Next we were to go down a big hill. We waited for everyone and then when everyone was there we started to talk excitedly, yes it's going to be so much fun. I saw two people go down. Now it  is my go, so I slither down weeeeeeeeeee!  My legs cannot pedal because my legs would hit the bike wheel and that would sting.

When we went up the hill, we slowed down. But luckily I got a lot of speed, so I got to the top.  The next level looked scary. The leader said, “you don't have to do this one you can walk down the scary part” but I wanted to do it so I did. as the line was getting shorter it was my go the Scary thing.q
About it you go down the  hill at high speed and then there's a wall and you move your Bike away from it at the speed you're going at. Then I hop on my bike and zoom down going super fast. 
“Wow,” I said “this so much fun.” Well, so I think for 10 seconds but then I hit another stump and hit the wall!

So my worst enemy is a stump. Later, just when I thought we were finished, the leader said “Let's bike back now!” 


In this piece of writing I focused on using present tense and not pressing return and think it went pretty good. I could improve my hook I don't think It hooks many people in. My next step is to hook people in and don't press the return button and to use capital letters for new sentences.

1 comment:

  1. You've done a wonderful job of showing your reader how you felt Harry. I love the different ways you have to express yourself, like the 'uppercut by Mike Tyson'. I love the way you sum up your feelings by saying the stump was your worst enemy too. Great job. Mrs P